all women do this but do all of them also break traffic laws or is it just me?

5:40 PM

10.9.2017



I'm a girl, so naturally, when I have something I need to say to someone I can never properly say it in the moment. Oh no, that would be entirely too easy. What I do is on my drive home I say it completely perfectly and eloquently as if the person was sitting next to me listening so that when the time comes I have a rehearsed dialogue prepared and I can deliver it effortlessly.

Today was one of those days and as I was in the middle of making my point to the empty seat next to me, I pulled out into the intersection to turn left onto the freeway only to realize the arrow was red, not green and I had just broken the law. I hadn't even looked at the actual light, I merely followed the truck in front of me thinking it was fine for me to continue forward. Had I been paying attention I would have noticed that only five cars were able to pass through, not six, and I would have stopped, but the conversation I was having in my head was a lot more important.

Luckily, nothing happened, however, if a police officer would have pulled me over and cited me I would have asked him if he had a wife or a girlfriend? If he responded "yes" I would have told him that after a stressful discussion had they found themselves in a car they probably did the exact thing I just did and maybe that would get me off with no more than a warning, but I guess that rehearsed speech will have to be used the next time I get a moving violation.

I know I'm not the only one who does this and if you say you never have, you're lying (talked to yourself in a car, not necessarily run a red light because of it).

I hate that I can never say what I need to when I'm in the middle of the back and forth. I always make my best points much later and in truth, I rarely remember those points the next time the opportunity poses itself to present them (unless I get smart and make a voice note on my phone which I've been doing a lot of recently). I over-analyze and scrutinize entire situations and then get upset or bruised when a point is made against me (it's rare, but it happens). I don't like coming off like I have no clue what I'm saying or coming off like I'm whiny, but maybe the person on the receiving end of my madness just wants to think that because it makes them feel like the good guy? I guess sometimes I'll let them have their moment since I get most of the moments anyway. I still feel like I'm being suckered into sounding a lot less correct than I am and that's a really bad move on their part right now. I get it, I can understand and that's why I try to cushion my points in bubble wrap...I want to soften the blow, but I can't always do that when it's considered "enabling" right? I just need to be concise and if they get upset over it then they can sit in their shit for a little bit and think about the truth. Some people actually "think about what they've done" when they're given a proper time-out.

So it's settled. I'll make my list with bullet points, notes in the margins, and all the things I really need to get out without sounding like a complete fucking idiot and I'm considering even creating a power-point with pictures and animation that further gets exactly what I need to say out there because as easy as it is for me to write my feelings, when I tend to speak them to someone that intimidates me, they end up coming out rather bitchy, and that's rarely my intention even if it's exactly what the person listening and seeking the advice deserves.

Hmm, maybe it was my exact intention today.

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