sugar we're going down swinging

8:00 AM

9.19.2017



I've experienced heartbreak before. I've experienced the hurt and the feeling of being thrown into a wall without any sort of preparation. I know that's how it works and it can't always be a mutual decision. Someone has to be the bad guy and initiate the fallout. I just never expected it to be you. I didn't see it coming and if someone had tried to warn me I wouldn't have believed a word of it. "You could tell me the sky is blue and show it to me as you speak the words and I'd still figure out a way to call bullshit." I didn't think you operated that way after countless empty promises that I knew were empty (that's what sickens me) that this was different and you wouldn't hurt me like the others did and I deserved the world and then some. You are worse. What you did was worse than all the bruises on my heart and on my face. It was more devastating than all the times I was lied to or led on or manipulated. You always said you wrote the book on that subject and I thought you mentioning that meant you'd noticed it wasn't an idealistic trait and you wouldn't do it again. I took it as you admitting fault and seeking accountability and trusting me enough to be honest about something so ugly. I never thought that in and of itself was a fucking tactic.

You're good, but I'm better. I thought I knew you and I was proven wrong. You think you know me and that I'm always keen to take the high road? That rings true in regards to the person that made me love him. But where that person has been revealed to have been a complete facade I don't give a shit about hurting the replacement.

Think twice before trying this again. Someone has to be the bad guy and it sure as hell won't be me this time. This is the first occasion I can spit those words and not feel an ounce of awful about it. That's really freeing. Finally.

Some secrets aren't meant to be kept forever.

It's called closure, baby.  And it will fucking kill you.

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