i'm so tired so i say all of the things i shouldn't so i can sleep soundly

8:47 PM

9.18.2017


Tonight I had to sit down and write an article for the website I contribute to and I found it to be one of the hardest I've ever had to write. It probably won't published for a while and I don't really advertise it (though you can find all my contributor work here) but it's about how taking the high road when you go through a breakup can result in being the ultimate doormat...at least that's my experience recently.

I get that there is a dignified way to do things but sometimes you simply aren't given the choice to stand up for yourself or speak your mind without it resulting in yet another argument. I tell myself I respect the other person enough so I justify their actions even when they're treating me like shit. This can be said not just for romantic relationships, but with family and friends and work...I could go on but you get the idea. I will just keep my mouth shut and allow myself to be walked on while someone I used to care about is calling the shots (much like they did throughout our entire relationship).

Well, fuck that, I think?

Writing this article made me realize just how absurd that is. Why the hell should I have to be the one that's constantly being respectful and keeping quiet? Why don't I get to have an opinion or any say on what happens? Is that the only way to not get into yet another argument over why shit went south? We've done that before and it gets us nowhere. I know now, after laying it out on paper for someone else to read, that its ridiculous and I never want to put myself in that position again. I don't want to sit back and mistake being respectful for being a fucking pussy.

Accountability is a huge thing for me. I know I may not be the best example but I'm an adamant believer that the only way for people to learn is for them actually to be held accountable for their actions. I'm notorious for not holding anyone responsible because I don't want to cause an issue, but if the issue is already caused and the situation is already fucked, why not? I should stand up for myself and give credit where credit is due.

Or maybe I need to get this shit out here because it's better than making a stupid mistake.

Or, is it?

Guess we'll see.

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