i write the songs that make me pound my head against a fucking wall

10:06 AM

9.12.2017



You might as well be a lingering song that stays in my head without knowledge of how it emphatically placed itself in my brain
I feel it, small at first, crescendoing aggressively and then passing without any registration of presence, almost as if it’s been orchestrated that way
An ebb of flow of emotion that has sunk itself into my soul without permission even though once noticed I made it feel welcome and comforted
I can’t shake you no matter how hard my head bangs against the wall, though a headache is a welcome replacement
It’s temporary and before I realize it the pounding in my head reverts back into the annoying melody of the lyrics of our past, tempting me with every beautiful thought
I only see the glamorous and never see the downfall or the demise
You cloud me that way with your smile and your eyes
The confusion was almost a constant and I want that back
It’s far less degrading than the feeling of defeat
But isn’t that the only feeling you know? You taught me the way
You lack confidence and I am over-confident and that’s a dangerous cocktail when swallowed straight
You require a chaser and one that is stronger than your convictions
I’m sorry but I’ve given up drinking
My only wish is for this tune to leave my mind and in years to come I’ll try hard to recall the lyrics of something that was once beautiful but wasn’t important enough to memorize
Sometimes that’s the only way to let go
And where you weren’t strong enough to accept the magic or learn the chord changes
I guess you put the responsibility on me yet again
It’s a required role and I’m forced to play
And my head still hurts but out of respect I will read the music of the wrong song and somehow manifest the words into something that makes sense to only me
Because in truth, my head is entirely too crowded to have lingering songs of words that never mattered in the first place

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