i believe in choice...i can choose to eat this cookie and i can choose to kick your ass

5:00 PM

9.7.2017



"You wake up every day and you can choose to have a good day or you can choose to have a bad day." - Rayce

I hate that statement but unfortunately, it rings true. Actually, a lot of Rayce's advice rings true. God doesn't give me what I can't handle. If my hair grows on company time it's okay to get it cut on company time. Tomorrow may be the best day of my life. If I think this is the worst thing that'll ever happen to me, I'm considered lucky.

Well, shit.

Some days I truly choose to be in a bad mood. I'll admit that. I need to be sad and pissed off and angry at the world so I do, and for a minute I feel great. Then some days I check myself and decide to have a good day and I do and I feel better. I have to have both in order to stay afloat.

Then I have the days where I choose to pick apart all the sordid details of what is wrong with my life and how I can feel better about that. It usually comes down to trying to make others that have wronged me feel like shit, and I realize that's an awful tactic, but it's just a thought and it usually passes...except when it doesn't. So then what do I do? When is it appropriate to actually stand up for yourself even if the end result is to take someone you once cared so deeply for down? Is it one of those things I'll regret not taking the high road on? Or will it actually make me feel better in the long run because I was honest? I hate ethics.

My dog is back to being sick. I take her in for a shot and for about a week she feels great and then wakes up and feels shitty until the next shot comes. Does she have the choice of waking up and feeling good or waking up and feeling bad? I don't think so, God knows I've tried to perk her up when I can tell it's going to be a rough day, but I can't do anything for her. Maybe it's the same with me...maybe some days I can't help but feel awful no matter what others try to do for me. You can give me every pep talk in the world and I may still scoff at you and retreat to my emo hole. I guess that's still my choice.

So today I'm going to choose to write the music profile I was assigned. I'm going to choose to spend time with my family (my Sestra arrives today!) and I'm going to choose to cuddle Aadi despite the fact she is walking around the patio today as if she's trying to tell me she is done with life. I'm going to eat good food in downtown Lewistown and tomorrow I get to volunteer, float a river and eat prime rib. Saturday I get to enjoy the town's local chokecherry festival and Sunday I get to sit for nine hours in a Toyota with Rayce listening to more comedy on Sirius XM and probably more stories of advice.

I guess I have a choice and I choose to consider myself lucky because this probably isn't the worst thing I'll ever go through.

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