i am the one that got away, according to two people

9:00 AM

9.11.2017




It's not a relief. It's actually kind of sad. I don't want to be that person. That means two people wish they had given me the chance I deserved and now are living with the regret. What an awful feeling? For them and for me.

Self-loathing rant ahead: It sounds sweet in theory, to have someone you once loved come to you and say "wow, you were the greatest thing that ever happened to me, too late for us and that's so my fault, okay maybe you played a little part, but really, I so wish we had a chance now but blah and life and this and that but you're the one I'll always wonder about," is fucking awful. Just so you know.

"You will always be my biggest question mark." - true statement.

I honestly don't understand that phenomenon. If something is around me and right in front of my face, I know it. I rarely take it for granted and I make a fucking effort to keep it in my life. That wasn't always true, but I know for sure that's changed. I've felt like I've let things go that shouldn't have been and I've regretted them. I know what it's like to wonder and I am not a fan. I refuse to let it happen again.

I really don't get how people let that happen. I probably never will. This sucks but I had to write it.  So just keep in mind that even if I'm fine with it, I hope to never hear that statement fucking ever again.

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sup fool.

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