but what if i'm wrong?

11:51 AM

9.7.2017



Being up here in Montana has given me ample time to catch up on recreational reading. One book I've been working on for over a year has been Chuck Klosterman's But What If We're Wrong? I just finished and wow. Anyone that knows me know that Chuck is sort of a hero/inspiration to me and this book is far beyond his typical realm of work but it spoke to me on almost a spiritual level. The basis is taking a look at the present as if it's in the distant past. It poses some interesting theories on its own but it also got me to really think that it's highly possible that I'm wrong about a whole bunch of shit.

I already have the idea that I'm wrong about a lot of things, but this made me have to dig a little deeper and re-evaluate things that have come to light for me recently. I've had a lot of change in the past few weeks, some for the better and some not so much. I've dealt with these changes with a sort of preconceived idea that I know exactly why they're happening and what the potential outcome will be.

But what if I'm wrong?

I have no trouble admitting I'm wrong if I am, especially if it's something that can be proven, but if I have a strong feeling I'm right and there isn't anything arguing that besides someone else's opinion (or their own preconceived idea that they're right) I will fight to the death to actively prove my point.

But what if I'm wrong?

I guess you can't ever know for sure you're right unless there is proof and a lot of times proof doesn't exactly exist (especially when you need it to). Proof is an idea, a theory and it seems to really be on the path to fucking with me these days. With some of the events that have transpired recently at work and in my personal life (some of which are intertwined), I don't think I'll ever have concrete validation that I was on the correct side of the matter and I'm just going to have to live with that. I think I will hang on to the notion that I am right and everyone else is wrong and even if nothing comes of it, that notion will get me out of bed each day until the feeling inevitably passes. That is until I'm 90 and on my death bed and I look up at whoever is there and tell them "you bet your sweet ass I was fucking right" before my last breath escapes me.

On the contrary, if I am wrong, is it so bad to cling to thinking I'm not just to make it through each day? Is there an actual right or wrong way to do that? I haven't been told, so I'm going with my experiment. Innocent until proven guilty, or something like that. If I find out that I'm not on the winning side and it smacks me in the face one day (as things have been known to do) I will completely turn my opinion around and admit defeat. It's sort of like acknowledging or denying the existence of God. I'm not going to get all spiritual, but if God hasn't been proven, there is no way to know if such a thing exists. You can believe and have faith but you truly won't know until you die and then it's not like you can come back and tell everyone (I assume). Maybe you die and it's darkness. Maybe you die and you're greeted by God and He laughs and says "Sup, I'm real." Then you accept whatever outcome you're posed with and you move on. I try and look at my idea of being right as that. Until it's proven, I have every right to hold on to what I believe to be doctrine.

But what if I'm wrong?

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