relationship ptsd

7:40 PM



It's a thing. I've learned this recently. You carry shit from your past into your future and think "they're all going to be the same" and that's not true. Granted, yeah, it's not true, but it's a really hard fact to swallow that your new relationship could actually be different.

As I'm learning this process (with or without a new relationship, it doesn't really matter) is that I'm going to seriously have to get over things I've carried with me from the three significant relationships I've been in. My biggest things right now:

I take shit personally and/or the wrong way. Seriously, everything is about me. You don't talk enough? Me. You talk too much? Me. You say just "OK" without some long, drawn out explanation of whateverthefuck I just said to you? ME. It's ridiculous and I know it, but it's there.

I overreact. Little things really get to me, like really really really. I notice lack of affection whether its from being lazy, being tired, not even realizing you're not showing me affection, doesn't matter. I notice and overreact. That's really not fair. Yeah, in a relationship I do expect to be shown affection and sometimes I get a little insecure and need more than realized. I have learned to just be honest about that. So many times I have kept my mouth shut and the other one didn't even know there was an issue. On the other hand, I also give TOO much affection because I tend to notice when I don't get it, so it's a circle and if I give, it'll be given and that's what I expect and that's wrong so I get frustrated and pissy and we go back to taking things personally (see above).

I withhold. If it gets to the point where the circle of affection isn't working, fuck it, I'll go the other route and withhold. Then it's noticed and then I feel bad and have to explain and it would have just been so much easier if I'd said from the get-go "hey, what's your deal?" Chances are, it has nothing to do with me (even if everything is about me).

I'm really, really, really scared to be honest. I know I'm not alone in this, people say what's on their mind, their person gets all defensive, calls them a victim, says they're being dumb and next time, you shut up because you don't want to start another fight. Well, if your person does that, it's not really fair to you either. You should be able to talk about your stupid shit. Now, a full-on spiral meltdown daily is excessive, but if you can calmly be like "okay this is how I feel", a good partner will be like, "hey, you're batshit, but you're my batshit and I love you and lets get through this."

THE BEST ADVICE I WAS EVER GIVEN AND I WILL GIVE TO EVERYONE PAY IT FORWARD STYLE:

Just because you don't understand what someone else feels doesn't mean that it isn't real to them. That's just it, no matter how ridiculous, insane, crazy it sounds...it's real to them.

Bam.

I live by that mostly because (it's about me) that's often how my brain works. I'll latch onto something that I full on know is bullshit, I'll admit that I have no idea why I feel this way, but...it's real to me.

I'm learning to be upfront with my feelings and try not to let my past dictate any future relationships. My past relationships really weren't bad, none of them. Sure, they didn't work out, but I learned so much from each of them and still have the utmost respect from anyone I shared that bond with. Just because we didn't work out doesn't mean we all aren't good people and maybe we should be commended in some ways for acknowledging the fact we didn't work, moved on and forward and did shit with our lives. THAT takes balls. Anyway, my point is, I don't want to take any of the hurt I felt in those relationships and put them on someone else who doesn't deserve it. I want to take what I've learned, the good and the bad, and apply it. I think that's fair.

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