the definition of jordan

3:31 PM






The above two photos.....interesting because in one I'm kinda drunk and in the other I'm kinda not, and mostly I look the same but I feel I look significantly different. Do we all judge ourselves as much as I judge me?

That being said, I've been working on defining myself. It's not that I have to, no one has asked me, but due to recent life events I've thought a lot about it because I don't necessarily feel I fit a category. So some things...

I really like horror movies. Still have yet to find one that REALLY scares me (besides Candyman).

Music is always relevant to me.

I really fucking like football and mostly I like sucky teams but whatever, that's fine. I still fucking like football.

Cooking always wins over not cooking.

I write, always have, always will.

I can't drink today.

I have to let go of toxic relationships.

I like to be honest with people (now).

I love clothes but need to not shop as much.

Africa by Toto is my favorite song.

I eat strictly but I still like food.

I've felt unconditional love once in my life. Okay, possibly twice, but one is Rayce so that is a given.

I have a person I talk to about all my weird things and they have accepted that beyond any measure I would expect. I can be completely authentic and will never be met with judgment. I'll be called out when deserved, but it will be respectful because that's how you should be. No matter how much I expect it to be hurtful and mean and demeaning IT NEVER IS. That's something I've really had to get over, not all people are assholes. I expect them to be, and then they surprise me. I like that I can be completely raw and won't feel shitty about it. I think everyone should have that. It's interesting, too, because I'm not that patient, tolerant, observant and kind. I judge. I get pissed off, uncomfortable, standoffish. I seriously do, and I don't want to. It isn't something that'll change overnight, I get that, but I'm definitely more aware of it.

Tolerance, that's the big word. I am mostly tolerant, but not.

I really am not sure where I'm going with this except honesty is a big thing for me now, one I haven't really focused on in a long time. It's sadly rare that all the people in my 30 years I've been honest with I can count on one hand, maybe less than that if it were a thing. I'm just really hoping to get to that level with a lot more people in my life. One day at a time.

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