elaboration on parking spaces and hella observant neighbors

10:06 PM

Today I left my house. That's a big step considering I'm fairly antisocial unless you're already in my life. I've spoken to a handful of neighbors, one I'm convinced is Patrick Bateman (he wears a suit jacket always, even with pajamas) and carries bodies in his guitar case, but for the most part I keep to myself. Two I can name: Jackson and Riley (or Ryder or Riker, I don't care to ask). Riley (or Ryder or Riker) sits on his motorcycle and chains smokes, Jackson literally is my next door neighbor and he listens to Eminem at 3 am. This is all relevant, I assure you.

So basically, I left my house today to become a blond, which didn't totally work out. This is not relevant, really, that's for another day. So I left my house and when I came home my parking spot was taken so I had to park in the back of the lot. That's fine, but I like MY spot. It's one night, I can deal. However, I decided to take out the garbage and lo and behold, the person that stole my spot was carrying a large laundry basket and this I took as her intent to leave. And leave she did. So I went back in to finish dinner and I decided after I ate that if the spot was still available I'd move my car. I went outside and it was still free, so keys in hand, I marched.

There was Riley (or Ryder or Riker) smoking on his Harley. "Someone took your spot." First off, I had no idea that he even knew that my spot existed, it was rather kind and observant of the boy who's name I'm not sure of. I showed him my keys.

"Exactly, and it's free now so I have to move quickly." Realizing how ridiculous that sounded and absolutely not caring, I followed up with, "Is that weird?"

He just looked at me and with a stoic face he said, "Yes." So I jingled my keys and moved on. I moved my car about 3 spaces and felt a lot better instantly. I noticed Jackson sitting on his car, across from mine, also smoking. People like to smoke on their vehicles, just an observation. Anyway, he didn't say anything so neither did I. I walked back to the back entrance of my building and smiled and Riley (or Ryder or Riker) and said, "Well I feel better." He replied with, "And all was right with the world." I held up my keys in a sort of 'solidarity' gesture to show how down I was, whatever that means.

So now, one person, who's name I don't know, completely caught on that I like to park in the same spot every day. That speaks volumes. I thought it stopped there.

Guess what? It doesn't.

It's now about 9 pm and Aadi needs to pee. I take her outside and there sits Jackson, smoking, but not on his car. Instead he's on the sidewalk where you probably should smoke. I say hey, he asks about my tattoo, we make small talk about how our upstairs neighbor watches The Office and we hear the theme every half hour and also we talk about our serial killer neighbor (who spoke to me for the first time, he said "hey"). Then Jackson says to me, "So, what's the deal with you moving your car three spaces?"

Oh, great.

I explain that I like my spot, it's mine, don't park there. He said he notices I almost always park there and was surprised that I actually left the house because the solid gold Corolla seems to stay put. Sidenote to that, there is another gold Corolla that maybe they think may be mine when I actually do leave, however another neighbor, Mike, once noticed I was missing two hubcaps. People are fucking observant, here. Anyway, I did explain and he seemed content with my answer, but I still said, "Is that weird?" He said, "Yes".

I went inside and turned on Saved By The Bell but turned the volume down so that the next time Jackson is out there, presumably with Riley (or Ryder or Riker), he doesn't talk about his weird neighbor with her parking spot obsession and affinity for 90's television.

I don't want to be a story in his blog post.

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