if the pattern fits

6:01 PM

I feel like it's possible that I may be a creature of habit. I wake up at the same time (almost) every day, I take my dog for a walk on the same street. My coffee always tastes the same, my nightly glass of wine always tastes the same (unless I'm adventurous and try something new which really doesn't happen often, unless they're out of the kind I like). I do the same things day in and day out. I've thought about changing this up a bit since it's a new year and all.

I'll still wake up early, I'll still walk my dog and drink my wine and coffee in excess but in addition to these routines I will make myself more open and available to try new things. This will not include eating fish or listening to U2, I have to draw a line somewhere.

I will be more confident in myself. This has been tested quite a bit over the last few months. There are a few people in my life that I completely let get to me and shouldn't. Some more than others, but the point is, it happens. When you have something good, you tend to worry that it's going to go away. I have something good. I have lots of good, and without expanding on it, regardless, I have some joy, some joy I haven't had in a long time. Family, friends, work, health are all good and things are moving forward quite steadily (I use that term very loosely). In addition to the stability I also have more insecurities, more worries, more tearful nights than I've had in a really long time, all for different reasons. It's situational and I understand that, but it's there. I doubt myself. I doubt my worth (this isn't new). I think the worst and I tend to also think that anyone that I trust is hiding something from me. There, I said what you're not supposed to say. Like any almost 30-year-old woman, I have trust issues! Tear out the front page!

That being said I've decided to compile some goals. They're not resolutions really, but just some things I want to accomplish and enjoy in the upcoming year, fake 30 if you will.

I'm to walk more. I moved downtown when I really, really did not want to. I didn't want to run into anyone I didn't want to run into, but I couldn't pass up the price, place, location, etc. So here I am and with that being the case I vowed to walk anywhere I could to save gas, and make myself feel better.

I'm going to try and not become a hermit. Work on my anxiety with parking lots and parking spaces. It's gotten worse as I've gotten older so I need to say yes when I'm invited out.

I'm going to try and focus on the relationships I have. I'm not closed at ALL to meeting new people, but I've grown very fond of the people I have in my life and I really want to make sure they know how much I care for them and I want to be a better friend and family member to those that have shown me so much love recently.

I'm going to kick ass at my job. I finally have the job I've wanted for years and I'm very good at it. I love who I work with and I love what I do and where I get frustrated at least once a day, I want to not let that get to me and I want to excel.

I'm going to not worry about those I don't have to. I work myself up and I doubt myself when I shouldn't. I should be open to trust and open to love, so here I am.

I'm going to drink less coffee and drink less wine.


Happy 2015. Cheers, bitches.

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1 speaks

  1. I like these goals :) and jealous of your downtown living situation!!


sup fool.