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9:09 PM



Occasionally you're faced with a choice. Sometimes several choices. When presented to me, these choices, I tend to decide to run. They're likely choices I never wanted anyway or at least realized I did until it was too late and I have a bruise on my face from them "presenting" themselves so what the fuck? Let me avoid any sort of confrontation and just run.

It is official, I'm going abroad. I'm very happy about that choice, strangely enough. It's terrifying. I'm so scared I could throw up but I really need to do this for me. For once in this painfully short life I need to put myself first, stop worrying what others think or care to do. I can't afford this, I really shouldn't leave my dog or my job but I don't know when an opportunity like this will come up again, if ever. I'm going, for a low fare, with people I love and that love me back. I'm going to do something completely irresponsible for once, and then life will be back to normal.

Funny thing, responsibility. As of late I feel like in a lot of ways all I've been is irresponsible. Learning experience, maybe? We'll go that route this time.

I'm not meant to stay in one place. I'm meant to observe, I'm meant to write. One day the person that will observe, support my writing, let me do whatever it is I'm meant to do will surface and la la la life will make sense once again. But in the meantime I am going to play with the non-biased crowd. I'm going to not bother anymore really unless I need to. It's exhausting.

And I'll change my mind tomorrow on all of this and everything I've thought over the last few weeks.



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