the evolution of the "jenny" part 1

11:51 PM

There are several references to the Jenny. The soulmate. The Unicorn. That annoying person that sits in the back of your mind no matter what you may be doing. The one where the timing is always off. The one where the feelings are off. Maybe you don't feel the same for each other at the same time and that could cause a world of problems. Maybe you don't know their favorite movie or color, even. Who is to say, honestly? But I bet you know what I'm talking about.


I know what you were feeling, when you told me about your Jenny. How she kept you up at night. How after everything you still could not let her go. You thought about her day in and day out and it consumed you. It's terrible, really. Aren't you a little embarrassed? I would be, but I have no room to talk. // Why is that? // Because you're my Jenny. // I'm your Jenny. // Yes. I'm not your Jenny, but you're my Jenny and it's fucking exhausting. I feel like I know a lot about you. I feel like I could tell you what you were thinking just by the number of lines in your forehead. If your eyes dart a certain way I know exactly how to feel about your movements. But I don't know you're favorite ice cream flavor. // It's pistachio. // Well, fuck. // Why does it even matter? It doesn't matter. I had a Jenny. It's long, gone. It's been done for years, why are you even thinking about this? // Because that's what I do. // You're hurting my head. // Good. // Okay, what is the point of this? // I have no idea. I just realized something and thought I should tell you. You cannot make fun of me or call me silly because you once felt exactly like me. You felt helpless, like there was no balance and you really had no control over the situation so you gave up. That's where we're different. I don't have control, I get that, but I'm not about to give up. I'll probably spend my entire life not even thinking about being happy because it won't work. It is never going to get better. // You tell yourself that now, but what are you really thinking? // That is what I'm thinking! Don't you get it? None of this is real. It may not work out. I should probably say fuck it and get my head out of here and start looking for someone a little less Jenny. I don't want there to be stories about you, everyone that knows me knows who you are but they've never met you and when they finally do it's almost uncomfortable. I don't want the pity stares, 'oh look, finally, the timing is right.' It will be right, or it won't be right. That's up to you. I realize I am at fault. You can't be blamed because I've never held you accountable. And the thing is, the stupid silly thing is I will NEVER hold you accountable. // Well, why not? // Because you're Jenny. That's your excuse. You're Jenny so you don't have to explain yourself. I'll just always be here. And that is what will make us each other's Jenny's. // So, I have a Jenny. You're my Jenny. // I guess so. Maybe I always was. Maybe I was wrong about the other Jenny. Or maybe I wasn't. Maybe you can have two Jenny's. Or maybe you can't. Stop me, please. // Okay. My favorite color is green. // So is mine.

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sup fool.