thrice

12:00 AM

I don't have much to say except I needed that cry tonight. In fact, I may need a bit more.

It's just been one of those days where every insecurity is staring at me in the face and I legitimately wonder is it me?

It has to be. Because the second I become...there. Available. Approachable. The second I've done everything and been everything I can be, is when I start to feel the most alone.

Let's not get emotional here, now.

It's probably in my head, not even real. I tend to make up stories and scenarios and this could be another one I've created for lack of a better emotional state, but hear me out.

I realize I cannot, under any circumstances be impatient. It just won't work. But I am, impatient. I'm the worst, and I don't care. I struggle with the outcome of things even where I have no control on it and could be spending my time worrying about things that I actually can control. What about that? Why am I not even being productive right now?

Oh, that's right.

The complication.

There's always a complication.

Is there?

Maybe there isn't? I could rid myself of even the smallest complications, I've done it before. Twice.

Maybe three times.

But what if I don't want to?

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