last night

5:39 PM

Some events that transpire are not worth retelling, and then there are others that completely are, but should probably not be retold. Where do you find the medium in that?

I'm hardly shy when it comes to sharing my life, in fact I am the opposite. I am more of the over-sharing, word vomiting type that will spill her entire being to the girl behind the Starbucks drive-thru. I am not ashamed, sharing is caring and I'm superb at the act.

However, sometimes vague details make the story better. So in that case...

You do not leave beer pitchers unattended, especially when a nice lady (or gentleman) is shoving you out of a bar because last call was over an hour ago. You do not leave beer pitchers unattended, instead you finish them in a hurry.

Sometimes the jukebox will take ten dollars from you and not play your song. But also it could be your fault for not being coherent enough to find the song you want, even if it is your favorite song, so you just abandon the jukebox and leave someone else with a ten dollar credit for songs. I would call that paying it forward.

No one wants to see your drunk duckface no matter how adorable you think you are. Stop sending selfies.

Everyone wants to see video of you wearing a backpack and dancing to Africa by Toto because that is the definition of Jordan.

Walking into an active conference room because, hey, the door is open and you see sugar free sugar cookies is not recommended. Someone will see you and you might get in trouble

Pizza in your underwear is always classy. Classy broad.

Air mattresses need to be plugged good so that they do not deflate mid-sleep. Waking up freezing on top of un-inflated plastic is not enjoyable at all. In fact, it's the opposite. And also if you have a blanket and you're extremely hot you should share that blanket with others. Remember, I said sharing is caring. So care for me, please.

There are going to be times when luck is on your side so that when you decide to exit out of your hotel room window instead of using the door because it's "just more convenient" you find that your car is parked RIGHT THERE. The leprechauns are on your side!

You feel like you were there, don't you?

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sup fool.

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