is this tragically a comedy or comically a tragedy?

11:59 PM



Today at work I felt like a different person. It's hard to explain, but as I met with some co-workers for a project I was discussing life's events and trials (my own and others) and it just felt like I was not me. I was not describing my own life. It felt strange.

I can't even begin to pinpoint why.

I just know that I am me. I am a different person and the strangeness was that I've somehow reverted back to 2008 Jordan, probably the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. Granted I have obligations and responsibilities now that I hadn't even dreamed of then, but I felt carefree. Like I did not have to give a shit. And I didn't, or I don't. I could say and do how I please and go out as much as I want and stay home as much as I want. I'm able to live without conviction. Now, do I always want to be like this? Of course not. I want to embrace my responsibility without giving up myself and my wants and needs. Believe it or not, I have a lot of them. I have a lot of things I aspire to do. Some are stupid and inane, but mean something to me, while others are life goals that should be achieved to be a somewhat productive member of society.

I'm still writing my fucking book.

I'm also working on not swearing like a sailor because it really upsets my dad. Maybe he's the only one I do still feel like I need to answer to, and maybe that isn't a bad thing.

I think it'll take a bit before my routine feels like mine again. Before I can talk to strangers and friends alike and not feel like I'm reciting the most bizarre story ever told. It's no one's business really, and things are fine and I've let the bad shit go. I don't need to hold onto that. I know the universe has something weird in store for me, and I've probably known what it was all along. Now I just play the healing game and the waiting game which maybe seems quite soon but in reality I've been mentally preparing for this longer than anyone knows.

Because some secrets are meant to be kept.

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