the first post; the vague post

6:05 PM

I feel like I have a lot to say, but also want to keep a lot of what is going on in my life to myself. I feel that's fair and respectful to the situation. But things are changing, and they're big, huge changes. I have to face that and I have to be strong. I will get through anything that is thrown at me and come out on the other side. I may have a few wounds and scars but I know that I'm going to be okay. Shit happens.

So as I change and move on I get to look forward to some good distractions. I get to look forward to making a life for myself.

I wish I could say I was angrier. I wish I could say I had ill and awful feelings. The truth is there are some things I'm not ecstatic about but for the most part I have accepted the decision that was made for me and know that the future will hold great things for both of us. Some things just don't work out and that's the hardest part to get over. You try and try and they try and try and somehow it just doesn't work. That's okay and it makes neither of you bad people. It actually takes a lot of balls to recognize that and maybe I did once and maybe I didn't as much this time, but here it is. I can have a weird respect for that. I'm sure it doesn't make sense, but it does to me.

I packed up my entire life. Not the life I had built with someone for four years, but MY entire life. And I realized something. I saw a lot of my things that had been hidden away in boxes move after move, never to surface; probably due to laziness. I am excited to re-introduce myself to that person. She was great. She was a lot of fun, had self respect, didn't give a damn what people thought (also listened to A LOT of 90's country). That's who I am. I should have never forgotten that. I shouldn't have been asked to change that. I've learned a lot in the last several years and I'm learning something now, you really do have to be yourself. It's something that you're never going to be able to change, no matter how hard you try. You may cast it a side and sometimes forget it exists but it will always be a part of you. You should embrace it and find others that will as well.

It will probably be strange but here I am. I'm going to be very much okay.

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